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I would kick ass at the following Jeopardy categories: Things You Can Do After Drinking a Bottle of Vodka, and…well, that’s it.

#2962
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Jan 26, 2012 10:49 PM - Miscellaneous - by tristan (man)

 

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You know you’re at a college bar when some guy says he’d like to be the Don Quixote to my windmill.

#2961
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Jan 26, 2012 10:48 PM - Miscellaneous - by zoe (woman)

 

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When I said I wanted to see Janet’s secret garden, that is DEFINITELY not what I meant.

#2960
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Jan 26, 2012 10:48 PM - Sex - by carter (man)

 

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Oh I'm sorry, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?

#2992
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Jan 26, 2012 10:47 PM - Miscellaneous - by honeybunches (woman)

 

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Some grandmas pinch your new boyfriend’s cheek. My grandma just pinched my new boyfriend’s ass.

#3011
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Jan 26, 2012 10:23 PM - Miscellaneous - by stacy (man)

 

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The cops just busted up my neighbor’s high school kid’s party. The kids have scattered and the cops are leaving. Who wants to come with me to steal all the booze?

#3010
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Jan 26, 2012 10:22 PM - Party - by nathan (man)

 

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In case you’re wondering, it IS possible to jump off my roof and land on the trampoline. Apparently it is NOT possible to do that without breaking an ankle.

#3009
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Jan 26, 2012 10:22 PM - Miscellaneous - by colin (man)

 

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I told my three year old that if she didn’t behave she would have to spend the night outside. I was kidding, but a few minutes later she stomped outside with her Dora sleeping bag and a raincoat. I am both proud and terrified.

#3008
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Jan 26, 2012 10:21 PM - Kids - by leah (woman)

 

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You know you’ve gone home with a winner when you find their affirmation card on their mirror and it says “you will not sleep with an alcoholic tonight.”

#3007
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Jan 26, 2012 10:21 PM - Party - by evan (man)

 

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I’ve discovered a foolproof technique for getting drunk. Go to a bar and loudly announce you have the flu, them proceed to lick everyone’s shot glass. This may also get you punched in the face.

#3006
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Jan 26, 2012 10:20 PM - Party - by sam (man)

 

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